Archive for August, 2009

The Tale of Dick Whittington and His Cat

August 24, 2009

Starring:

Dick Whittington, a simple boy

Dick Whittington, a simple boy

The Bow Belles, a four piece harmony group

The Bow Belles, a four piece harmony group

Guest appearance by Amigurumi Winehouse Kitten as The Cat

Guest appearance by Amigurumi Winehouse Kitten as The Cat

Our Story Begins …

Dick Whittington was a poor and simple boy. One day, he heard tales of an opportunity to make his fortune. Lord Highwaist of Cowell was hosting Ye Olde X Factor in the distant city of London. Lord Highwaist and his cohorts offered wealth beyong imagining, instant fame as one of the greatest minstrels of the day and a shopping trip on Ye Olde Bond Street for those deemed worthy. Dick’s eyes shone as he imagined escaping from his hovel, so he packed a small bag, slung it over his shoulder and made his way to the big city.

Dick Whittington is hopeful of success at the minstrel auditions

Dick Whittington is hopeful of success at the minstrel auditions

When Dick arrived at Highwaist Towers, he was taken in by Lord Highwaist and asked to impress him.  Being a simple country boy, he knew little of the entertainments of the town but sang a simple folk song.  Lord Highwaist and his cohorts were impressed but felt something was missing.  Outside the audition room, he met a small white cat. She looked at him quizically.

“Little white cat, my music apparently lacks a yowly quality that the great masters think is the very thing for town entertainment.  Would you care to join with me and go and see Lord Highwaist?” Dick asked the cat.

meep!

meep!

The cat said “meep!”

Dick and the cat were a great success and were universally praised and taken under the wing of Lord Highwaist.  Times were good.

The months passed and times got harder.  Tastes for minstrel entertainment in the town changed and Dick and his cat fell out of favour.  Lord Highwaist offered Dick an opportunity. “I hear that there is a market for yowly singers in the distant orient.  Would you care to sell your cat to one of my associates who is travelling out there.”

Reluctantly, Dick agreed.  He said a sad goodbye to the little white cat as she was loaded onto the ship.

Please dont send me away!

Please dont send me away!

More time passed and times grew harder for Dick at Highwaist Towers.  The other minstrels were cruel.  Dick decided to run away.  As he reached the outskirts of London, he sat down and heard a sweet sound coming from the heart of the city.  “What can that beautiful harmony be?” he said.  “I do not know” came the gentle reply.  Dick ran back to the town to find the source of the tone and found a four piece harmony group rehearsing outside Highwaist Towers.

Dick meets the Bow Belles

Dick meets the Bow Belles

“Who are you?” he cried!

“We are the Bow Belles,” they said “We are a manufactured band, made by the great Bell foundry in Whitechapel”.

“We have news for you,” said Belle One.  “You are not destined to be a minstrel.  Your cat made a fortune in the
Orient.  You are a wealthy man!”

“Besides,” said Belle Two, “you are a very simple soul.  While this is useful in a minstrel, the combination of wealth and simplicity mean you are destined for another role. Go forth, Dick Whittington, future Mayor of London!”

WebEnders

August 20, 2009

Scene 1: A slightly tawdry living room in North East London.

A mother and daughter butterfly sit in drinking cups of tea.  The men of the family went on a big night up west.  Ma Butterfly is a bit worried. The boys like a bit of trouble.

You know what, our Sam, Ive not seen our Phil and Grant butterfly for a while. You think theyre OK?

You know what, our Shaz, I've not seen our Gaz and Baz butterflies for a while. You think they're OK?

I dunno.  They wer off up that tunnel out west, werent they?

I dunno. They were off up that tunnel out west, weren't they? They always get a bit sweary and fighty when they head up west, don't they?

Some minutes pass.

Suddenly, Ma is alerted to the sound of an envelope falling on the mat.

“Wonder what that is?”

She opens the envelope and out falls a photo and a letter.

Oh my God, this letter says they've got our boys!  We've got to get to that tunnel and find them!

Oh my God, this letter says they've got our boys! We've got to get to that tunnel and find them!

Scene 2: Ma and daughter get on a Routemaster up west. They reach the tunnel

Scene 3: In the tunnel.  There’s no sign of the boys, but our heroines find a shred of a web, a lovebug looking for a lost love, and some ghostly souls.

They have taken our boys. But we will wait for them to return.

They have taken our boys. But we will wait for them to return.

Butterflies: Not as demure as they seem

August 2, 2009

Butterflies. They fly around, light as air. They have elegant delicate wings. They are prettier than their dowdy cousins, the moths. People are taken in and think that they are lovely and that they are good. But people are being fooled. Butterflies are secretly evil, sweary little bastards. Look at the language used by this pair I found trapped in our Knit The City spider web. Potty mouths, the pair of them.

Turning the air blue

Turning the air blue